Seek Peace, Not Happiness

When I was younger I used to look for all the things that made me happy. That makes complete sense. Think about when you were a child. Things that made you happy were good. Things that caused you pain were bad. We grow up categorizing our experiences as good or bad based on the way it made us feel. We don’t think about this process but as we get older we start to plan our lives using the same process. We seek the things that make us happy. Maybe we seek happiness in our career, marriage, house, children, financial situation, or in our social lives. The problem with this is that these things are not promised to us nor are they a constant. We lose our jobs, marriages don’t always work out, you may or may not have children (or they may or may not grow into lovely people), we could lose our wealth (or never have it to begin with), and social lives can turn into emotional roller coasters. And then what happens to your happiness?

I am guilty of this. I planned my happiness. I would marry my best friend, we would have kids and make an awesome parent team, and we would live happily ever after. That was all I needed. Simple. When my marriage to work out the way I had planned, I honestly thought I would never be happy again because the source of my hope for happiness was gone. Maybe this sound pathetic but when something huge hits you that takes away the thing that you looked to for happiness, being happy again feels hopeless. I struggled with this for quite awhile. I wanted to be happy but I didn’t know how to find a source of happiness. I really started to think about the concept of “happy”.

Happy happens when something brings your good, positive feelings. The problem with happy is that it is an emotion that is easily influenced. One moment you are happy and the next moment could bring disappointment; happiness is not constant, steady, or reliable. I needed stability, not a fleeting emotion.

I took a lot of time to analyze what I really wanted for my life. The conclusion I came to was that I wasn’t searching for happiness, what I was really seeking was peace. I found that I longed for the moments when I could pause and just feel at peace. In those moments I wasn’t necessarily experiencing an emotion but rather a feeling of contentment. Those feelings were so much more valuable to me than the brief happiness that felt like I had to work so hard for. I started paying attention to when I experienced peace and the source of it. I found that I had peace when my behavior was honorable, honest and especially when I was helpful to someone else. So I started to be aware of my actions and seek those opportunities. I found that I felt at peace outside and with animals, so I make more time to be in those environments. I realized that I had much more peace off of social media and away from drama. I make a point to limit my time, unfollow those who I have a negative response to (could be that they cause drama or that I find myself comparing my life to theirs), and place boundaries necessary to minimize drama in my life. I paid attention to a lifestyle that brings me peace. I exercise, garden, cook, create and learn new things. Basically, by being self aware, I added more of the things that bring me peace and contentment in life and deleted or limited the things that steal my peace. I also started making a point to be more grateful for the good in my life and I choose to focus on those things. What I have found that peace is what brings me joy and it is not dependent on anything but me.

If you feel like you have been searching for happiness but are unable to find it or are constantly disappointed, try seeking peace instead. Look for the moments you feel at peace and content and build more of that into your life.