Be Part Of The Solution

I don’t understand. I am sad. I am fearful. This is how I feel about our world. We can tell ourselves that there have always been groups of people who were in unrest, easily provoked, violent, unjust, and cruel. That there is just more media outlets to make us more aware of it. This may be true but our reaction to becoming aware is abysmal. We answer violence with violence. Outrage with outrage. We allow fear to control our actions. We become mean and hateful towards others. We all see it and acknowledge it but we do nothing about it. We make comments. We have become experts at taking to social media to call out others’ wrongs, complain, or have a temper tantrum. We are failing at taking time to process what is going on and look inward to see how we can be part of the solution, not part of the noise. We rant and yell wanting someone to do something. Someone, anyone, just not ourselves. I understand that the issues can seem huge, what possibly can we do?

For starters, BE KIND. Show others and your children what it is to be kind. I read a post on social media from a mom who was outraged that an elderly man talked to her young daughter when they were riding in public transportation. The man said hello and commented on her pretty dress. The little girl was shy and did not respond to the man. The man tried again but the girl slide closer to her mother. The mother irritated that this man talked to her daughter and sensing her daughters discomfort she lashed out at the man. How dare he talk to her daughter and if he daughter didn’t want to talk to him she didn’t have to. She doesn’t have to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. Rather than teaching her daughter to be kind, respectful, and tolerant she taught her intolerance, to respond in anger, and that she should never have to do anything that makes her feel uncomfortable or that she doesn’t want to. Gone are the days when you smile at a passer-by, have small talk with a stranger or have any tolerance for things that do not make you happy or comfortable. However, there are many things in life that will make you uncomfortable from a new school, a test you haven’t prepared for, a job interview, work, apologizing, trying something new, new places, new people, new ideas and opinions, making new acquaintances, dealing with adversity and even standing up for yourself, others or what you believe in. Life is uncomfortable. Teach your child how to handle uncomfortable situations without avoiding them. Help them to be learn to be comfortable in these situations. And teach them when they actually need to be cautious and what situations they need to avoid. But teach your children that you can still be kind when uncomfortable. You teach them by showing them how, by doing it yourself. As a teacher, I saw a trend happening among the children. Many of the kids were given “cop out passes” that were to be used when they felt anxious about something. The pass allowed the student to get out of that situation so they were no longer anxious. The students used them to get out of work as often as they could. During parent-teacher conferences, I addressed this with the few parents that came. At first they tried to make a case for why their child should be excused from the work because they felt uncomfortable and anxious. As we talked further, I asked them about how their children were going to handle life as young adults if they do not know how to handle stress in a healthy manner? The parents couldn’t answer. Why do we wonder why suicide among children-young adult has risen? We are not equipping them to handle life in a healthy way. We give them “cop out” passes instead but that doesn’t work in real life. So they seek other ways to “cop out”. We are not helping our children by allowing them to give up, run away and avoid the things that make us all uncomfortable. 

STOP BEING SELF-CENTERED and SELF-SERVING. Be considerate. Be generous. Be LAST! 

BE HUMBLE. Say you are sorry when you are wrong. Lose well. Do not gloat or put others down. 

LOVE EACH OTHER! Love when it is hard. Love those you don’t know. Show compassion and mercy. Show understanding. Show forgiveness, especially when it seems undeserved.

BE HONEST.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF. Don’t blame others or make excuses. Own it and the consequences.

STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHERS NEGATIVELY. If you have nothing to talk about unless you are gossiping about others than you need to find more interesting things to do with your life so you have something good to talk about. Faking concern is not a reason to spread rumors. Jealousy does not justify talking negatively about someone. 

STOP TALKING (OR TYPING) BEFORE YOU THINK OR CALM DOWN. If you must get it out (and I understand this feeling), write it out, then read it before you type it or speak it. A lot of things come out with our emotions. Things that in hind sight we didn’t mean. Maybe our words are too harsh. Maybe there is a misunderstanding that needs to be dealt with first. You can make the same point in passion without anger, name calling or being vicious. You can be seen as wise or part of the noise that gets blocked out. 
You see, maybe we are not the ones rioting or killing people but we are fueling the fire. Our actions, every day matter. People are watching and listening. Kindness can have a ripple effect just as much as anger. It’s a choice. How will you respond? How will you make a lasting impact? As a teacher, I had the opportunity to talk to children. And while I was a math teacher I took time to talk to my students about life and who they were becoming as people. I asked them who their role models were and why. Many students didn’t have someone they could look up to. Very few chose a parent or relative. Many of the boys chose Deadpool. When I asked them why they replied because he got away with doing whatever he wanted. He determined what was just and unjust as it served himself. I thought about how that mentality mirrors our current society. This broke my heart. Become award of yourself. Listen to the words you speak. Read the words that you type. Be conscious of your actions. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?